I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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