On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
