After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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