Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
