you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
