I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
