Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
