I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize