do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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