It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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