you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My life is pants optional.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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