They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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