hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
