Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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