I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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