when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
