Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
