Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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