dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
