i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
