do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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