I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
