You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
