i just made my gag reflex go away.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
