allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
