When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
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He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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