Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
is it fun? or sober?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
