He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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