I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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