Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They took my balls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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