She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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