My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize