It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
