I cannot find my penis.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am available for nakedness
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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