1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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