I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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