We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What a dumb baby whore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
