Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
