I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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