I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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