i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
