My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize