A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she peed on how many people?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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