Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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