I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
