I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
