I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
one two three fourrrrnication!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
