Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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