I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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