he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your cock deserves a montage
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
where are my eyebrows?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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