guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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