the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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