What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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