When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
