i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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