quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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