I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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