he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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