Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
