Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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