As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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