I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
