I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
