It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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