Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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