I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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