Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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