i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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