Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
