Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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