They should really pass out barf bags in church
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
