I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
