Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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