Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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