she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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