i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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