you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
