Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
