i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
