We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
