I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
